Top 10 Reasons Men Cheat on Wives or Long-Term Girlfriends or Sexual Partners
As we spoke of in the blog on why wives cheat, the reasons can be numerous. Often, however, infidelity is a sign something’s amiss in the relationship. Not always, but often. Read on to discover the top 10 reasons men cheat on their girlfriends, wives, or same-sex partners.
1) Cheating can stem from insecurity
Someone who’s feeling low may not be able to resist the excitement of being desirable to someone new, or someone they’ve long admired.
Insecurity in males is not uncommon as a reason men cheat. Historically, men married younger women. Or a successful man who is average in attractiveness may secretly harbour insecurities that leave him feeling more vulnerable than he’s comfortable feeling, especially if he’s married a woman that is often the centre of other men’s attention.
Not all cheating is a sign of insecurity, but often there is insecurity at some level when a man (or husband) cheats. Women have it too. Only often, insecurity expresses itself a bit differently from what I’ve noticed as a counsellor to thousands of high-profile couples struggling with a crisis involving infidelity, or a longer-term affair.
Often, but not always, a male who is feeling less secure in his primary relationship might seek validation elsewhere. It is one of the most common reasons men have affairs.
- Being desired leads to feeling desirable, and more confident.
- If your husband cheated, and you’ve just found out, you may start to look back and try to remember when it was he changed.
Yet the underlying reason he changed was likely a lack of confidence, and that’s probably been there from the start (couples therapy can help you both understand the reasons for cheating, by the way).
Feeling desirable, when a man otherwise feels insecure or suffers from low self-esteem, can feel irresistible. This holds true across nearly all gender identities, and is a common reason men cheat.
- This is sometimes why men cheat when they’ve lost their income sources, or when a baby arrives.
- They feel less secure or less needed; and they are seeking validation elsewhere. If this is your situation connect with me Book Your Call With Me
2) Cheating may be a culturally influenced phenomenon
Monogamy and fidelity are not cultural norms in certain regions and cultures. Some men cheat because it’s expected by other men in their community, and/or culturally sanctioned, or sometimes more socially tolerated in certain cultures.
Other times, the reasons men cheat relate to a sense of entitlement.
- If a man grew up in a family where the male had a sense of entitlement to more than one lover, it is likely to carry down to the next generation.
- Some work environments are also prone to cheating.
- The influence of culture should never be underestimated. If this is your situation cnnect with me Book Your Call With Me
3) Excitement of an affair of of ‘feeling naughty’
For many men and women, but not all, self worth is somewhat dependent on being seen as an alluring, sensual or sexual being.
Men want, and need, positive attention and affirmation, just like women do (or any gender).
If a man is in a marriage where he feels invisible or taken for granted, he’ll be vulnerable to cheating, or to having a long-running affair when someone expresses appreciation, desire and/or lust.
It’s not uncommon; but it often signifies a gap in the primary relationship, especially if the wife has turned off sex after the children arrived, or after menopause.
Also, another reason men cheat relates to the repetitive nature of life as a married partner, especially if raising children. They think, is this all there is? As it’s typically all about the children.
(It needs to have balance, as a healthy relationship is not just parenting — sadly, too many couples neglect to make ‘together time’ a priority.) If you feel this is your situation connect with me Book Your Call With Me
4) The overwhelming thrill of being re-awakened as a sexual being
Let’s face it, life can get tedious at times.
A man’s libido, depending on their testosterone levels and other hormones, can fluctuate. Being wanted by another person awakens the sexual being, and libido, in most (but not all) of us.
It’s partially how we’re wired, as humans, and partially related to the hormones and chemicals released in the brain when we bond to another human being (or feel sexually stimulated). If you feel this is your situation connect with me Book Your Call With Me
5) Opportunity – work or social connection
All humans want to be desired. We all tend to exhibit a spring in our steps when we have a sense of adventure, surprise or curiosity. Or purpose.
Shared purposes (such a shared missions at work), and familiarity without domestic duties, breeds comfort. That comfort is alluring; no pressure, just positive feedback.
And it can lead to wanting a sexual relationship because it’s relaxed and easy to be with the person, and no reminders of bills, dirty diapers and kids failing their VCE year.
Half of all affairs – or more – are with a colleague at the office (or consultant or client). It’s comfortable proximity that breeds closeness, and a bonding without the day to day stressors of family life. It can lead to office affairs; and office affairs can lead to marital breakdowns and career disasters.
6) Feeling re-connected to their masculine essence – which has felt suppressed by domesticity and /or family duties.
Sometimes being a husband or father feels unrewarding. Feeling invisible, or running around after the kids, carting them to this less or that game. And not really having anyone pay attention or value you! With a new lover, that sense of masculinity and desirability awakens.
It’s much like #4, above, but slightly different in that it’s more about how the affair makes a person feel about herself, as a human being, and sensual/sexual person. If this sounds like your situations then don’t hesitate any longer, connect with me Book Your Call With Me
7) No sex, no intimacy, no affection at home can also lead a man to cheat
Sometimes an affair begins simply because it feels good. Raw pleasuer.
It’s primarily physical, and while sex may not have been lacking in the primary relationship, new sex often has no emotional entanglement, or a different sense to it — a sense of newness. If this is your situation then act now, don’t put it off Book Your Call With Me
8) Feeling like they can do nothing right at home; feeling under appreciated
This is usually part of why men and women in long-term relationships, or marriages, embark on affairs. They cheat because they feel unappreciated or devalued, even put down.
When a man feels undervalued, or invalidated, the tendency is either despair and depression — or seeking that validation and respect elsewhere. It’s the same for women, or any other gender.If this is your situation then get right on to rescuing Book Your Call With Me
9) Feeling disconnected at home (or feeling lonely)
As in my blog about why women cheat on their husbands, marriages far too often become ‘arrangements’.
Sometimes it’s nearly a business type of arrangement. Often, husband and wife start to feel like housemates, just co-existing….but not genuine lovers or marital partners. Everyone needs to have a voice that gets heard and validated, and a place they feel valued for what they’re contributing.
Acknowledgement is an unwavering need of most humans, well recognised in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.
- In scenarios where disconnection occurs, one, or both partners feels unseen and/or unheard
- They feel undervalued and they feel disconnected, a sense of loneliness or despair and frustration at not getting their emotional and/or physical needs met by the primary relationship
- They crave affection and attention, and are vulnerable to an affair where suddenly those needs are being met by someone outside of the marriage. If this is your situation then don’t hesitate any longer, connect with me Book Your Call With Me
10) Wanting to end the relationship and not knowing how
There are times a marriage has run its course (although often it’s a breakdown that could be remedied by the right type of couples coaching and/or marriage counselling).
Sometimes discussing what’s not working in a relationship feels too hard, or too painful. If a partner checks out emotionally, they may still stay in the marriage, but be seeking partnership elsewhere. The best course of action in this scenario, and in the other scenario’s above, is to invest in professional counselling rather than a divorce lawyer (‘dead money’).
That’s because most marriages came together from a state of love, attraction, great sex and emotional intimacy. If a couple had it one, no matter how far they’ve strayed from having that, it can be healed if both partners are willing to give it a try and make the effort(s) required.
My programs help couple’s avoid those expensive, nasty divorces and difficult family separations that can wreak havoc on businesses, careers, family structures, social networks and everyone’s emotional well-being. So don’t call that divorce attorney… try counselling. Try six months, and if it doesn’t work (my experience is 80% of the time it WILL work if you’re both willing to put the effort in and share your insights), then at least you’ll have a more amicable parting. But as a couple’s coach, I’ve seen so many people throw away a marriage, or have an affair, instead of repairing and healing what’s gone wrong between them. It doesn’t have to be that way. Book a free connect call today to see how I can help.Book Your Call With Me
Suggested reading: Does an affair or cheating mean the end of the relationship? Does cheating lead to divorce?
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