Studies reveal that about 6 in 10 married men (or men in other forms of committed relationships), and 4 out of every 10 married women, cheat on their spouses or primary partners. But why?
Why do women cheat on their husbands (why do wives cheat)? Essentially there’s not a lot of difference between why women cheat, and men cheat. We see some slight variations, in terms of cultural expectations, unprecedented opportunities and social pressures.  But overall,with women it tends to boil down to not feeling loved, seen, heard, appreciated and respected in the primary relationship. Occasionally, it comes from boredom; but most often, it comes from needing to feel validated as a human being. Men, on the other hand we can add ego, thrill seeking and the need for conquests to the reasons.

Reasons Your Wife Cheats | Common Causes of Infidelity

As a Couples Coach and marriage counsellor, I see a variety of dynamics in a marriage. From all I’ve seen, working with close to 4,000 couples over several decades, here are the top 10 reasons why women cheat on their husbands (or same sex partners).  It can vary, of course, but in general, these are red flags that their is potential for an affair or other form of infidelity in the primary relationship or marriage.
Time to read: 2 minutes.

Top 10 Reasons Women Cheat on their Husbands or Same Sex Partners

1. Can’t resist the excitement of being desirable – desired by another
Let’s face it. We’re all human, and we want to be desired. Our self worth, in one way or another, has some aspect that is dependent on being seen as an alluring, sensual or sexual being. We all want, and need, positive attention. If we’re in a marriage where we feel invisible, we’re going to be vulnerable to an affair when someone starts to express desire for us. It’s natural, and often signifies a gap in the primary relationship where the partner doesn’t feel validated or desired as a sensual being (lover, romantic partner or sexual partner). If you think this is your situation find out what you can do – Book Your Call With Me

2. Opportunity – work or social connection

Half of all affairs – maybe more – are with a working colleague. It’s proximity that breeds closeness, and a bonding without the day to day stressors of family life.
A bit of a fantasy; and if the partner were raising children together or dealing with the hard stuff, like married couples do, it might not look so rosy. Book Your Call With Me

3. The overwhelming temptation of the thrill of being awakened as a sexual being

Being wanted by another person awakens the sexual being in all of us…it’s partially due to how we’re wired, as humans, given our hormones.Book Your Call With Me

4. Feeling re-connected to their inner feminine essence – which has been suppressed by domesticity and /or family.

Sometimes being a mother or wife feels like being a doormat. Catering to everyone else, and feeling invisible. But with a new lover, that sense of femininity awakens. It’s much like #3, above, but slightly different in that it’s more about how the affair makes a person feel about herself, as a human being, and sensual/sexual person. Book Your Call With Me

5. Raw pleasure

Sometimes an affair begins simply because it feels good. It’s primarily physical, and may or may not have been lacking in the primary relationship, and often has no emotional entanglement.

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6. Feeling like they are undervalued at home; feeling like they don’t matter at home

This is a big one, and is usually part of why a women (or man) has an affair. When a person feels undervalued, or invalidated, the natural human tendency is either despair and depression — or seeking that validation and respect elsewhere. Book Your Call With Me

7. Feeling disconnected at home (or feeling lonely)

Too often, marriages become ‘arrangements’ — almost a business type of arrangement, or like house mates co-existing….not lovers and spouses. In this scenario, women feel unheard and unseen. They crave affection and attention, and are vulnerable to an affair where suddenly those needs are being met by someone outside of the marriage.Book Your Call With Me

8. Feeling oppressed at home

Everyone needs to have a voice that gets heard and validated. In fact, acknowledgement is a serious need of humans and well recognised on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

If the primary partner is dismissive, it’s the equivalent of oppression.

NO one wants to feel subservient or disrespected. If one partner (husband or same sex partner) is “always right” or puts down the thoughts or feelings of the wife (or same-sex partner), that person is going to be drawn to others who do NOT oppress them, and who respect and validate their opinions. Book Your Call With Me

9. Being too many things to too many people

Sometimes affairs and infidelity just occur out of the need for a release from the pressure of meeting everybody else’s needs. Someone comes along that striked a bond, and it’s merely that the stress of life has created a need for an outlet, an escape, of being too many things to too many people (not feeling they are their own people/own individual selves). Book Your Call With Me

10. No sex, no intimacy, no affection at home

Let’s be honest; when a marriage becomes sexless, when there’s very little physical intimacy, often (but not always) emotional intimacy is also missing — and the relationship’s in trouble.

This can lead to an affair, not because of the lack of physical arousal or pleasure — but for the lack of the sense of affection that physical intimacy, and emotional intimacy, brings.

These aren’t the only ;reasons but they are common reasons I’ve seen when helping couples heal and resolve their relationship challenges.

And nearly any relationship (not all, but well over 90% can be saved with the right approach at the right time, if both parties see the value in avoiding the pain and high costs of divorce.

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Marriage Counselling by one of the most experienced Relationship Counsellors in Melbourne, Psychologist Dee Tozer.

Need some support because your wife (and/or same sex partner) has had an affair?

Book your free confidential connect-call with Couples Coach Dee Tozer

Dee Tozer, Couples Coach — helping couples recover from infidelity and other marriage stressors | International assistance | Skype | Facetime | Zoom and Video Marriage Counselling Options.

In-person sessions available in Brighton nearby to Bayside suburbs (Beaumaris, Sandringham, South Yarra, Toorak and more).

In-person marriage counselling and relationship counselling in Bayside suburbs (highly discreet and comfortable office for confidentiality and privacy; specialising in coaching methods for high-profile couples).


Marriage Counselling Location(s): Bayside are (very convenient to Brighton, Toorak, Malvern, Sandringham, Albert Park, Elwood and inner-eastern Suburbs).

In an urgent marital crisis? On the brink of a separation or divorce?

Need a long experienced marriage counsellor now?

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Suggested reading: Does an affair or cheating mean the end of the relationship? Does cheating lead to divorce?

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