Hi, I’m Dee Tozer, welcome! I am so happy you have found me here. I’ve been a Couples and Relationship Psychologist for over 28years helping more than 3,500 of couples work through their differences towards create a loving lasting togetherness.
Over these 28 years many, many of the people who came to see me for help with anxiety or depression, were actually caught up in conflict with their mate and it became clear that if I could help couples build a safe and sound emotional life together then anxiety and depression were significantly decreased and often disappeared. Hence my passion was ignited.
Most couples in distress have the following stuff going on: it might be put downs, hurtful words, angry reactions, vitriolic statements, raised voices, or even hurtful silences or walk aways. There could be trust issues, jealousy, dominance and control or competitiveness. All of these threaten the emotional security of one or both partners and a fight or flight response usually occurs. Which means that one partner or both, will either fight, or flee the situation….that is walk away….or eventually leave.
The Fight or Flight response is the basis of our self protective behaviour as human beings. The same goes for most animals who, when under threat from a predator, and their immediate survival is at stake, have to make an instantaneous decision to either stand up and fight the predator off, or flee from the danger. With couples relationship conflict it boils down to the same instinctive fight or flight response. However as humans in a love relationship we don’t usually bolt away in the other direction at the first sign of trouble, instead we put up all manner of defenses and attacks to protect ourselves which, if kept up for too long, eventually fracture the relationship and it falls apart.
Hence over many many years my role as a couples counsellor and coach has evolved to provide couples with the learnings, understandings and skills which teach them:
- how to soothe each other and keep loving feelings alive
- how to recognize the cry for reassurance from their spouse
- how to break the resentment cycle
- how to remove the threat of break up and loss of family and loved ones
- how to dissolve the pain of feeling unloved or unloveable
- how to express concerns and talk to each other without destructive ridicule & on-going criticism and conflict
My starting point is to create the safe place for this couple to begin expressing their concerns in a non-threatening, non-judgmental, warm and friendly setting. Whether it be in person in my counseling rooms, Skyping on line, or soon to be via my online course which I am releasing towards the end of September this year, you will feel heard and understood as I talk about the feelings you are probably experiencing which is what brought you to my page. The first session will put you at ease and help you find the initial steps towards sorting things out. Most often taking this first step starts to alleviate the overwhelming pain and you can see light at the end of the tunnel.
Typically it takes a program of 20 by 60 -90 minute sessions either in person or by Skype to turn you and your mate around. Oh, can I hear you saying that’s a heck of a lot of sessions, we don’t have time for that!
I know how time pressured life is these days so I have developed an on-line course of 8 sessions which may provide you with everything you need to get back on track. You can work through the sessions in the comfort of your home at times to suit your schedule. It is priced to give you great value for a moderate spend. You can take a quick look here and see if it is for you: Fastrelationshiprescue program.