Is your marriage about to fold? Are you heading towards a relationship breakup? Men with marriage problems may procrastinate on taking action. Men can also be somewhat less open to feeling comfortable to discuss their concerns with others when their marriage or relationship is on the verge of a breakup, separation or divorce.
This blog is for men who feel they might be facing potential relationship breakup. It is also designed to help men who want to try to keep their relationship together if possible, even in the face of a separation or divorce. So if you’re struggling to make sense of changes in your marriage (spending less time together or seemingly being less interested in each other) or are discussing a potential divorce, read on to find out what might be done to restore your relationship ‘back to love’. (Women worried about a breakup, click here).
- Do you feel your marriage could be in trouble?
- Are you heading towards a relationship breakup?
- Is your relationship potentially on the verge of a breakup or divorce?
- Or is your relationship just ‘going through a phase’ of greater distance between you and your partner / wife?
If you’re currently worried about the future of your marriage or other relationship, here are 8 Signs your Marriage is in trouble or that you might be heading for separation and divorce – and what you can do about it, now.
If you are a woman concerned about where your marriage is heading, read 8 signs your marriage is in trouble [for women] because men and women sometimes think and act differently, and interpret distance differently, when it comes to noticeable relationship changes that could signify the marriage is in trouble).
Ups and downs in a marriage are not uncommon. But how can you tell your marriage is in serious trouble or that you’re heading for a relationship breakup? Or that you might be on the brink of a divorce or separation?…Is it just a phase the relationship is going through…or is there something more you should consider?
Trouble in marriages or other intimate long-term relationships: how it progresses over time
Every man who’s ever been connected to a lover or spouse for many years has experienced fluctuations in the marriage. There will be periods of loving closeness and happiness, interspersed with times of greater distance or marital upsets (bickering or arguing). But how do you know if it’s just a bad week (or month, or year) in the marriage versus a bigger breakdown of the relationship? How can you tell you’re just going through a rocky patch vs heading towards a breakup?
- Conflict is part of a human relationship and doesn’t necessarily mean your marriage is in serious trouble, but sometimes it might.
- Distance in a relationship or frequent bickering doesn’t always indicate your relationship is on the verge of ending…fluctuations may simply be that – changes in your marriage over a period of time when you’re unhappy with each other…
- But chronic bickering or more intensive arguments – or stonewalling and far less time communicating – can be a sign of trouble.
- And those signs of trouble are well-worth exploring sooner rather than later, before it’s too late to restore the relationship (or save your marriage).
Find out what signs can help you avoid the tremendous social, financial and psychological uprooting of a divorce… If you address these signs in a timely fashion and with love, commitment and care (the right relationship couples master coach or marriage counsellor can make a world of difference in many marriages).
Feeling confused? Is your wife being distant but you’re not sure why?
When there’s a feeling of greater distance between two partners, or a concern something’s come between you and your wife or partner, it can be a very uncomfortable time. But if you’re like most men, you’re either NOT exactly sure what is creating the sense of distance OR you don’t know how to resolve the recurring conflicts or differences of opinion. Or you might worry your wife is cheating or has lost interest in you as a person, especially if there are young children, or an age gap between you or you travel a lot for work.
Today, I’ll share with you 8 signs for men that their marriage is in trouble – and what to do about saving your marriage (or key relationship) before you, or your partner, gives up and disrupts your family life, finances and social structure.
Yes, we’re talking about restoring love and avoiding the trauma of divorce or breakups. Which, as a Relationship and Couples Coach, I know is possible in over 9 out of 10 marriages that get into trouble, including marriages rocked by an affair or other forms of infidelity or cheating.
Divorces are sometimes the answer to a relationship that’s gone wrong, but often, those marriages could have been saved with a timely intervention – expert relationship coaching. In my experience as a relationship dynamic expert, less than 6% of marriages I’ve explored couldn’t be saved with the right approaches. By approaches, I mean timely marriage counselling and/or relationship coaching programs for the couple having difficulties.
And yes, relationship coaching (relationship rescue) DOES work!
I’ve had 94% of my couples report a positive outcome when they wanted to make it work. When they were open and honest enough with each other to confront the real challenges and hurts in their relationship. When they were committed to exploring what they could do to work together to form a stronger bond (e.g. proven relationship rescue methods for couples in strife). When they were both genuine about making it work instead of giving up and saying ‘next.’
Unhappy in your marriage? Worried your partner is acting distant or pre-occupied?
Feeling you might be on the verge of a separation or divorce? Worried your wife or partner is increasingly distant? Can your marriage be saved with the right type of relationship coaching?
Read more below or book a free telephone call with me to discuss whether Relationship Coaching might be of benefit to you in your particular situation with your wife or long-term lover.
In this blog we discuss 8 signs your long-term relationship is in trouble.
Do you feel distant from your wife? Is she away a lot or shutting you out? Is your life about to be changed by a relationship breakup?
Sometimes distance between a partner is sudden and more glaringly obvious. This is typically rare. It’s more often the case that the distance between you and your wife, partner or lover has been growing over some time.
When you notice you’re relationship is in trouble or worried you’re heading towards a breakup you don’t want to happen, it’s often hard to know what to do.
It’s especially challenging if your partner isn’t communicating with you openly about what’s upsetting them; of if they gave up trying to get your attention about the things they feel are wrong.
Or if you or your wife is cheating. (By the way, not all relationship problems involve cheating or infidelity, but it is one potential contributor to distance in your relationship. So how can you tell if your relationship is failing or on the brink of divorce?
Signs Your Relationship Is In Trouble
8 Signs men should pay attention to when their relationship might be in trouble.
What to do about a marriage that’s grown distant or cold or otherwise on the brink of a divorce or separation.
Context of marital difficulties: Before we discuss the 8 signs your marriage may be on the brink of a breakup or divorce, it’s important to think about the context of relationship conflicts.
When it comes to feeling distance, insecurity or discomfort in your marriage, it’s helpful to determine if it’s related to a healthy interdependence (time balance) or if it’s stemming from trouble in your marriage. That’s the first step in finding out what’s wrong in your marriage and how to go about repairing and restoring the love you used to share.
If you remain hesitant to talk about the growing distance between you…if you and your partner aren’t talking as much or as honestly as you used to talk…the longer you wait, the less chance you’ll have of a reconciliation and relationship repair.
In matters of the heart, it can be really painful to face the reality of the distance between you and your partner, especially if the outcome is a potential separation or divorce. Perhaps your wife is threatening to leave; or asking for a divorce or trial separation.
In your heart, you’re dreading the outcomes of talking openly. You stall, putting off discussions and turning away. Or one of you stays away from home a lot, or stops co-attending events.
You might be frightened of change and/or possibly still very much in love. Or you fear the disruption to family life and business structures, children in school and/or your retirement travel plans…You really don’t want to go through the painful agony of divorce and separation from your wife, the family home and/or your shared financial networks or career dependencies. BUT – despite sensing distance, this can leave you in a denial or procrastination mode.
The trouble is this: if you continually put off talking about the real issues in your marriage, or shut off your wife when she tries to talk about something that concerns her about the marriage, you’ll have a far less chance of restoration of harmony and relationship repair than if you approach it in a timely manner, with the right approach (usually requiring an expert highly experienced relationship couples coach).
That’s because the longer you and your wife aren’t talking openly about what’s really wrong in the marriage, the less chance you’ll have of healing and restoring a loving bond and longer-term connection because resentment build and builds. And if together you haven’t found the way forward, to heal and restore the loving bond from both sides, you really DO need to explore what a relationship coach can offer….either that, or let it end. And while it may be easier to find a good divorce lawyer than a good marriage counsellor or relationship coach, the outcomes are likely going to be better if you both work on understanding your partner’s viewpoints, with respect, empathy and understanding.
Denial, reluctance and procrastination won’t save your marriage… They’ll only delay, ever so slightly, the inevitable. Plus, time spent NOT dealing with marriage problems often ruins your chances of getting your relationship back on track.
- Going into denial and blocking the situation is often our protective measure which can make things worse.
- Most times, facing up to the reality of where you are in your marriage or relationship – and doing something about it with a relationship coach or marriage counsellor – can bring about enough awareness and change to avoid a break up and bring you closer together.
Feelings of concern about your relationship or marriage: what to pay attention to (for men).
There are differences between the signs of a male partner switching off or tuning out and a female partner switching off or tuning out.
So I have two blogs, one for women worried about their marriage (click here) and one for men worried about marriage problems or who are facing a serious relationship breakup (this page). .
This isn’t being sexist, nor stereotyping. It’s rather an acknowledgement that the majority (though not all) male and female brains are wired differently. It acknowledges men and women often have different communication styles and love languages. There are exceptions, of course. But for me – as a Couples Coach – there’s enough of a difference in men’s thinking and women’s thinking to want to comment on common marriage issues in two separate blogs, one for men and one for women (however you identify).
Sign 1: SHE DOESN’T WANT TO DO ANYTHING TOGETHER ANY MORE or STOPS HOLDING YOUR HAND IN PUBLIC
- The enjoyment of being together has disappeared.
- You want to go out and socialize together but she won’t come with you.
- If she does go, she wants to leave soon after arriving, or avoids being anywhere near you while you’re there.
Sign 2: THE HOUSE IS A MESS – SHE IS LESS FREQUENTLY AT HOME OR DOING LESS AT HOME
- Perhaps she was one fastidious but now leaves the house in disarray.
- Kids have been fed but no meal left for you.
- Fair enough, she has been working all day too; but she used to arrive home earlier than you and cooked the family dinner (or you shared the cooking, most likely).
- Now, instead, there are clothes and toys all over the place or all sorts of stuff left out on kitchen benches.
Sign 3: SHE SLEEPS IN ANOTHER ROOM
- Snoring can ruin most relationships, so if that’s the issue, go see a sleep doctor (asap!) and get it fixed!
- But if it’s not snoring, perhaps there’s no passion left between you. No warmth or cuddles.
- She might hardly ever even say “good night.” This has been going on for some time now.
- She also closes the door to the bathroom or takes her phone with her everywhere, including to the toilet. (Note this is now increasingly common and may not mean something’s wrong, unless its a sudden change unrelated to a new job or child situation)
Sign 4: YOU’RE NOT EATING MEALS TOGETHER
- She eats with the kids before you get home, but this wasn’t always the case.
- On weekends, she takes her meal into another room and doesn’t communicate with you about sharing meal times or food choices.
- She doesn’t seem to be able to stand being near you.
Sign 5: SHE SUDDENLY SPENDS A LOT MORE OF TIME WITH HER BEST FRIENDS OR GIRLFRIEND
- She is out for coffee or goes to the gym 5 to 7 times a week, or more – when that wasn’t always the case and it’s not related to a sudden fitness drive.
- She often leaves as you walk in the door from work, and doesn’t get home until very late…even on weeknights.
- She goes out with girlfriends most Friday and Saturday nights.
Sign 6: SHE ALWAYS SEEMS COLD AND ANGRY AROUND YOU
- She talks down to you or is icily critical of you about trivial things.
- This can be to do with picking up groceries on the way home, taking kids to their activities or leaving your clothes in the washing machine…..when you used to share the laundry, suddenly now yours is separate or you’re left doing all of it, alone.
- She is cold and unapproachable.
Sign 7: SHE DOESN’T TALK TO YOU ABOUT ANYTHING ANY MORE
- You’re having no real conversations about deep and meaningfuls.
- The only things you talk about are everyday household things or the kids.
- If you raise a topic, even about a news item, she shuts down or walks out of the room.
- She is detached from your wider family’s activities or finds excuses not to come along, when she used to be quite close to your family or sister. (Although if they’ve not treated her with respect, and/or you’ve taken their side versus hers in a family dispute, she may have a very good reason to ignore them).
Sign 8: YOU THINK SHE MAY BE SEEING SOMEONE ELSE
- You might be imagining it but you hear her on late night phone calls.
- You catch her checking her phone constantly for messages and she never lets her phone out of sight.
- She bought herself some new differently-styled clothes lately, or obviously expensive ones, which are not her usual style PLUS there is no unusual spending going on from the bank account or credit card.
- Maybe you’re feeling you’re just being paranoid or that she just wants you to pay attention and notice her more….
- Where do you start?
If you recognize any TWO of these 8 signs your marriage might be in serious trouble, or on the brink of separation or divorce, then it is definitely time to do something, to take action, to start repairing.
Book in for a call with me (below) and find out if your situation might benefit from some coaching assistance from a long experienced Couples Coach. (The call is free to assess if a couples relationship rescue program or a few confidential and timely marriage counselling sessions can be of help). And yes, many couples can can – with the right coaching and right approach – turn around a relationship heading towards a breakup.
I hope you found this article about men facing relationship breakup(s) a useful. I look forward to guiding the repair of your relationship (but don’t delay, the longer you wait, the less likely it will be that you can repair the relationship damage or overcome the difficulties in your relationship).
Dee Tozer, Couples Coach and Psychologist
International assistance through online sessions using Skype, Facetime, WhatsApp or Zoom or in-person marriage counselling sessions in Australia (Melbourne based).
Page last updated on June 16, 2019.