Understanding Infidelity: The 5 Types of Cheaters and the Possibility of Forgiveness
Cheating is a topic that brings deep emotions and fear to the forefront of relationships. The mere thought of infidelity can cause anxiety, whether you’re in a secure partnership or navigating some challenges. While infidelity can often lead to heartbreak and the end of a relationship, understanding the different types of cheaters can provide valuable insights into the complexities of human behavior and the possibility of healing.
Dee Tozer, The Couples Master Coach identifies five distinct types of cheaters, each with their own motivations and behaviors. Let’s explore these categories and consider whether forgiveness is possible for each.
- The Serial Cheater
Serial cheaters tend to engage in infidelity repeatedly, often without premeditation. Their actions may be fueled by substances like alcohol or drugs, leading them to seek physical conquests without emotional involvement. For them, cheating is more about the thrill than a deep connection.
Forgiveness Potential: Low. Since serial cheating can be a habitual pattern, rebuilding trust can be particularly difficult.
- The Obligated Cheater
Obligated cheaters find themselves in situations where innocent flirting escalates into something more. They often feel a sense of obligation to follow through, leading to guilt and regret afterward. This type may struggle with a deep need for approval, driving them to seek validation outside their primary relationship.
Forgiveness Potential: Moderate. If the cheater expresses genuine remorse and is willing to explore their motivations, there’s potential for healing.
- The Love Hormone Cheater
This type of cheater typically seeks affection when they feel a lack of intimacy in their primary relationship. They remain committed but yearn for emotional connection elsewhere. Their infidelity often doesn’t lead to long-term affairs but rather serves as a misguided attempt to fill an emotional void.
Forgiveness Potential: Moderate to High. If both partners are willing to work on rekindling intimacy and connection, recovery is very possible.
- The Conflicted Love Hormone Cheater
Conflicted love hormone cheaters often grapple with their feelings, experiencing love for their partner while simultaneously craving excitement from others. They are acutely aware of their wrongdoing, often feeling immense guilt and shame that can linger long after their indiscretions.
Forgiveness Potential: High. Open communication and a commitment to understanding the root causes of their behavior can pave the way for healing.
- The Dissatisfied Cheater
Dissatisfied cheaters seek fulfillment that they feel is lacking in their relationship. They may justify their actions by blaming their partner for unmet needs, often leading to emotional detachment. This type of infidelity can stem from deep-seated issues in the relationship.
Forgiveness Potential: Moderate to High. If the couple can identify and address the underlying dissatisfaction, forgiveness and renewed connection are possible.
Why Do People Cheat?
According to Dee Tozer, many individuals who cheat feel unheard and disconnected from their partners. Emotional neglect can diminish intimacy and desire, making someone more susceptible to seeking validation outside the relationship. The temporary high of feeling attractive or desired can lead to impulsive decisions that result in deep regret.
Moving Forward After Infidelity
Learning that your partner has cheated is a gut-wrenching experience. Whether they confess or you discover the truth, the decision to stay or leave can be overwhelming. If you choose to work through the betrayal, seeking help from a qualified couples counselor can be invaluable. Dee stresses the importance of finding a professional experienced in healing the damage caused by affairs, as they can guide you through the complex journey of rebuilding trust.
Key Considerations:
Reflect on Your Emotions: Take time to understand your feelings. Do you want to rebuild trust, or are you leaning toward separation?
Seek Professional Guidance: A specialized therapist can provide tools and insights for both partners to heal and reconnect.
Don’t Rush Decisions: Avoid hasty conclusions. Take the time to weigh the pros and cons of staying versus leaving.
Conclusion
While the journey of healing from infidelity is undoubtedly challenging, understanding the type of cheater can help frame your response. The potential for forgiveness varies based on individual circumstances, the nature of the betrayal, and both partners’ willingness to work through the issues together. With commitment and the right support, many couples can emerge stronger and more connected than ever.
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