Holiday Season is here! A time for celebration…joy….reunions…festive gatherings…
- And relationship stress?
- Anger and resentment?
- Separation talks or threats of divorce?
What’s going on with relationship breakdowns, and marital breakups, at Christmas?
- The anticipated feasting, joy and family love….can readily test your relationship.
- Holiday pressures can end up adding increased stressors to pre-existing tensions in your marriage.
The holidays — visitors and travelling — food preparation, gift buying and financial pressures — often end up amplifying relationship frictions. These extra stressors can bring tears and fears and heightened reactivity. and if not understood and mitigated, can readily ruin an otherwise wonderful time of the year…..but why IS that the case?
Many relationships break down around Christmas or the New Year.
What’s the reason so many relationship breakups and marital separations occur in December?
The reason is that after a long year, most people need a break; and the holidays are often full of MORE activities and things to do than everyone would like. It’s rarely the relaxing season so many commercials would have us all believe. It’s an often stressful — even depressing — time for people, and needs extra special care of yourself — and your relationships — including compassion and understanding — and giving yourself a genuine break.
So would you like to know how to make sure you and your partner come through with flying colours…enjoying the spirit of the season with no tears…maintaining a happy healthy relationship?…..
How would I know?…
Well, I’m Dee Tozer, Couples Coach Psychologist for almost 30 years…
And I have found 4 simple hacks which keep love and affection as your main game in the lead up and during the Holiday Season…which brings HUGE stress as we are typically over stretched across the board…AND often financially stressed because extra spending on gifts and huge amounts of elaborate food feel like a necessity.
Then there is the extra energy and time required to plan, shop and prepare…even decorations can bring tension and conflict over what and how much……add to this the required interactions with your close family, the wider family and, frequently, the step relatives……there are so many factors stretching your tolerance…and your PATIENCE…….
Relationship Survival Tips: Holiday Hacks
Which brings me to the No.1 hack – which is to RECOGNIZE that your impatience IS RISING….your intolerance is taking over AND driving your irritable reactivity. It’s often at these times that our partner might point out that we are being overly irritable…which typically triggers a hostile reaction from us so adding to the heat of the moment and even more impatience and irritability…..
Which naturally leads to the No.2 hack…which is to ACCEPT that it is FRUSTRATION which is affecting you – frustration that you are so over stretched with so many things to do pulling you this way and that way. FRUSTRATED that you are doing…and have to do…more than your partner…..you feel like you are carrying the whole show…..Accepting that you are FRUSTRATED allows you to step back from the battle front and take control of what YOU say or what YOU do…or don’t do……
This will free you up for the No.3 hack…which is to drop ACCUSATIONS ……YES. I hear you…that seems so hard when you are wound up with irritable frustration overtaking you…..yet dropping your accusations and taking THAT DEEP BREATH will soften your heart for your own good…and for your family’s peace and happiness at this important time of year….
Which brings me to Hack No.4….shift your focus to just ONE decision at a time……ONE decision to keep your tone soft.….one decision to put relationship PEACE first…..ONE decision to focus on what IS MOST important at the end of the day……where do you want your relationship to be after the Holiday Season?…recovering from lots of hurtful conflict OR secure and harmoniously relaxed together…….
The 4 Holiday Hacks again:
- Recognize impatience….
- Accept your frustration……
- Drop accusations….
- Make one decision at a time…..